To keep things interesting at home, here’s how to talk about sex.
It’s been almost 20 years since Salt-N-Pepa released a song encouraging us to do it — and yet, a lot of us still find it difficult to talk about sex with our partner.
We get it. Talking about sex — and the issues you’re having — can be awkward, and it’s often hard to know when to bring it up in conversation. But having these discussions can do wonders for your relationship, so in the interest of keeping the home fires burning, here’s how to talk about sex.
Avoid the ambush.
First things first, don’t try to talk about sex while you’re in bed, or while you’re having it (unless, of course, it’s sexy pillow talk). Pick a time and location — say, over coffee or while you’re walking the dog — when the stakes aren’t as high. It’s also a good idea to avoid surprising your partner with the conversation. Instead, mention that you’d like to discuss it and suggest when might be a good opportunity to do so.
Keep it simple.
Try not to come to the conversation armed with a laundry list of all the concerns you have about your sex life. Limit it to one issue per conversation so that you can address it thoroughly yet compassionately and your partner doesn’t feel overwhelmed.
Make suggestions, not complaints (and don’t expect them to be mind readers).
Ever hear of a compliment sandwich? The same principle works when it comes to sex. Tell your partner something they do well, then suggest how they can enhance that by doing something a little differently. Often it’s just a case of them not knowing what you like, so try to be as open as possible about your wants and needs and encourage them to do the same.
Start with the basics.
Not sure where to begin the conversation? Start by discussing the basics of sex — when you like to do it, where you like to do it, what turns you on, who initiates — and go from there.
And if you still need to ease into things, swiping right can help — but not in the way you think. The app XConfessions allows you each to swipe through various sexual fantasies that you’d like to try. If you both swipe right on the same one, you’ll know that you’re ready to get down to business.
Originally published at https://getmaude.com.